John Cox

Smoking

I am on about the 50th try to stop smoking. I started this quest last Monday, so I am now into my second week.

So far, I have broken down once. On Friday, I bought a pack of smokes, and smoked 4, hid one for Saturday and then gave the rest to my wife to throw away. It wasn't the physical part that made me smoke again, it was my defeatist attitude when it comes to quiting smoking. I am not very good with temptation it appears with my vices.

Last August was my best shot in a very long time. It lasted about 3 weeks. The only problem was about every 3rd day I would buy a pack of smokes and smoke them for 3 days and then quit for another three. Obviously, that was doomed for failure. I don't think I ever made it through the physical addiction part, so I never really felt that bad.

This time is not the same, but I have made some changes. I am not leaving my house this time until next Saturday (unsupervised anyway). I obviously can not be trusted to not break down. I am not using the gum this time around. I have to stop the Nicotine once and for all, and the gum just prolongs my agony. I have had three pieces to get me through the first couple of days, but that is it.

I made it through the addiction withdrawals last week. This is the week that I am kinda feeling the effects though. I have not been able to concentrate all day. I am dizzy. I haven't been able to sleep an entire night all since last Sunday. I am not very even keeled with my attitude right now. I am angry. I really want to smoke, and can't seem to get the taste of a Cigarette out of my mouth regardless of the number of pieces of gum or number of times I brush my teeth. I am literally a freakin' mess and I hate the fact that I started smoking in the Navy.

It would have been so much easier to walk away from Boot Camp and never have smoked another cigarette in my life, but I am an idiot. So, here I am basically twenty years into a bad habit, suffering like a heroine fiend in prison. It is what it is though. If I can break this addiction, I think that I will be able to accomplish just about anything.

The worst part of this is, there doesn't seem to be a lot of sympathy from anyone. Smokers hate to see you quit, because it is more evidence of their own failures. People that have never smoked have no idea what you are going through, and have the attitude that you should have never started in the first place. People that have quit are a pain in the ass too, as the ones around me are just waiting for me to fail. People suck when you are quiting smoking. Well, people for the most part suck when you aren't trying to quit smoking, so it doesn't make that much of a difference.

Some statistics though for you non-sympathetic assholes reading this with a smile.

I have saved $30 since last week. Actually, probably more, because I haven't burned the gas to go get smokes. Do I count depreciation as well?

My cells are now carrying 40% more oxygen than before (thus the dizziness). Beats me on why that is good, but I guess I have more fuel for the fire.

My lungs are growing back. I can prove this by the amount of crap I am coughing up. It's pretty disgusting to be around me right now.

I smell better (I guess). Honestly, I don't really care about this one, as my wife is the one that has to put up with this.

I can smell better. This is a double edged sword though. Bad crap smells worse.

I can taste better. See above.

I am already breathing just a little bit better and have lost my hack (not the cough where I bring up lung biscuits but the hack where I feel like my lungs are bleeding).

Yea for me. I can't wait to be a condescending bastard to the next person that quits. That seems to be much more fun than the actual process of quiting itself.

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